On Working from Home with 2 Kids.

I've been doing freelance writing and marketing from home for the past three years—since right after Tessa was born in March 2010—but a few months back I all of a sudden felt the need to return to an office. I romanticized the idea of getting dressed in the morning, working a 9 to 5 surrounded by adults, and then coming home and focusing on my babies and my husband and spending the weekends with them entirely. As it is now, I usually work during nap times and at night, on the weekends, and whenever else I can squeeze in an email or a blog post. I seldom feel like I'm doing a good enough job in any of my roles because there are never enough hours in the day to do all the things as well as I want to do them. And as someone who has always taken a lot of pride in being hard-working and productive, being so scattered and working in fits and starts doesn't sit well with me. It's still hard, every single day, to not be able to be exactly the kind of mom and wife and housekeeper and friend and employee that I want to be. But who is exactly the kind of whatever they want to be? I wouldn't want to give up working or parenting—not even if money wasn't an issue; I want and need them both, even though balancing them can be a real biznitch.  

Now that I look back at it, I was being crazy to want to go back to an office. Crazy! Crazy to long for the congested commutes and the expensive daycares and the terrible cups of coffee turning to muck in the office coffee maker. At the time, all I really wanted was more time away from my kids. But that was several months ago. And several months ago I had a two-month-old baby who was nursing around the clock, and my hormones were still going berzerk, and it was the dead of February. At the time I was feeling suffocated by motherhood.

Now I just think that that period with a baby who is around two to three months old is really, really difficult. For me it was. The honeymoon period of newbornness is over, but the baby is still slightly cross-eyed and eyelash-less and not doing anything much exciting. For instance, the fact that babies don't sleep through the night at that age isn't very exciting at all. Also not exciting: How wrecked your body is after a second baby. I was at a point when I was honestly second guessing my decision to have another child. I wasn't able to say that out loud at the time because it felt like such an ugly thing to be feeling. 

Now it's all good. I mean, there are still tough days, and weeks when I don't feel like I even remotely kicked ass at anything, but that's OK. I am so blessed to have two daughters. How to work and mother from home efficiently has just been a big learning process. But on mornings like this one—still in pajamas, nursing my second cup of coffee, knees drawn up to my lap, baby napping—I just can't imagine a better work situation for me in all the world. I am so thankful for this arrangement and for all the lessons it's taught me about life and motherhood and me.

Livvy on the job with me at 3 months

 Things I've learned about working from home with kids, in no particular order:

1) If you don't put a bra on before 9 a.m., you're not going to put a bra on at all. I recently asked Nekos to remind me every day before he leaves for work to get showered and dressed myself. He cringed because he felt like it would hurt my feelings for him to say that, but I really do need help with this. I feel a bazillion times better about myself and am more likely to get things done if I'm dressed as though I were going into an office—albeit a very casual office. This isn't just about feeling good about the way I look; it's about self care, which is sometimes hard to come by when there are two little girls who also need to be bathed and groomed and dressed.

2) Some months are golden; some are scraping by. My experience with freelancing has been that there are months when I feel like I'm hustling for every dollar, and months when we're able to really apply a good chunk of change to our debt. (Getting out of debt is a huge focus for us right now.) One of the downsides to freelancing is that there is no X number of dollars that's always coming in, so I am learning not to panic during slower months.

3) Better not to put all your eggs in one basket. At this time last year, I was freelancing for just one company, and that was working fine because they were paying me well. Then, essentially out of nowhere, they lost some big clients and said they had no more work for me. When you work from home and lose your job, there's no severance pay. There's no face-to-face meeting where someone gingerly explains to you that your ass is grass. There was just one single solitary email, and all of a sudden I was out of a job. (And seven months pregnant ... but that's another story.) The lesson I learned from that is not to have just one job or one client but to have several. This leaves me feeling even more scattered, but also much more secure. 

4) Multi-task. I actually hate multitasking. Being able to concentrate fully on something feels like such a luxury. But because I work for several people, I feel the most accomplished when I pick one or two tasks to complete for each client every single day. That way everyone gets some attention, and I don't fall hopelessly behind with any of my clients.

5) It's OK to put the T.V. on. My kids watch a lot of T.V., and I'm not going to apologize for it. It's often the only way I can get there to be utter silence for more than five minutes at a time. And when I need to get some work done, it's the most reliable babysitter I know. When I start to feel guilty about this, I try really hard to cut myself some slack. It's not like I'm shooting heroin in the bathroom while the girls are watching Mickey Mouse; I'm helping to earn a living for our family and doing the best I can. And later I will try to make it up to them with some good one-on-one imaginative play.

6) Change the scenery. Sometimes I have a big deadline and no childcare. When the deadline can't wait that means I may have a full day of work to do and two kids to entertain and nourish and nurture. In other words, there's no movie long enough to keep them out of my hair for as long as I need. In this case, we do a lot of moving around the house. When Tessa is getting listless, I suggest moving to a different room—or going outside—to play, or even driving to a kid-friendly coffee shop. My laptop comes along with us of course.

7) Ask for help. Especially with the second baby, I've learned to ask for help more. I ask for help getting the groceries out to the car now. I take the kids to drop-off daycare when I have to. And I especially try not to be heroic about how long I can stand to spend one-on-one time with my three-year-old. She has a huge personality and can be really trying. I'm a much better mom to her when I get to take regular breaks. Putting childcare in our budget has made all the difference; she goes to a mother's day out program from 9-2 Monday through Thursday, and it is the best thing ever. 

8) Explain your job. A few weeks ago it occurred to me that Tessa has no clue what I do for a living. She has a vague idea of what Nekos does, and sometimes she goes to his office so she can picture exactly where he is throughout the day. But she only shook her head when I asked her, "Do you know what my job is?" "I'm a writer," I said and explained a little further. Now, when I need to work and she is wanting me to play with her, I tell her, "I have some more writing to do first," and it really has helped her be more respectful of my time on the computer.

9) Don't be stupid about taxes. For the past two years, I have been so dang demented about socking away the tax dollars on my freelance income to pay the tax man. I've finally figured out that 25 percent of everything I make has to go immediately into savings and never, ever be touched for anything but taxes. Being responsible about this will be a huge gift to our family come April 2014.

10) Be honest. I struggle sometimes with being resentful of Nekos because he gets to go off to work and concentrate all day on his career in the complete quiet of his office. That's ridiculous, of course, because working in an office can also totally suck (hello, pointless meetings...), and he doesn't get to pepper his days with craft projects and lattes with friends and cuddle sessions like I do. I don't really want to trade places with him. Still, I can't deny the fact that I feel this way sometimes, even though I am so grateful that because of his job we have health insurance and more security than we'd ever with my freelance work. Another thing that nags me is feeling lost or adrift. Since I don't have an office to check in with every day and no one position to put on my resume, I get anxious sometimes about where my career is going. Talking about the uglier emotions is helping me work through them.

So, I think that's about it. It's taken me a while to write this post because it's important to me and because I don't feel like I have it all figured out by any means. In fact, the thing I still struggle with the most is not letting social media distract me from my work. Especially because I sometimes have some extremely dry assignments. Any suggestions for this?

I Want...

I want to blog more in June.

I also want a disco ball in the house, tossing flecks of light all over the floors and walls. I flippin' love a mirrorball in a space where it would seem otherwise unexpected. It really doesn't get any more playful than that. But in which room should it go? Master bedroom or living room?

I want to layer a big jute area rug and a freckled cowhide rug on my living room floor.

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I want to find the perfect high-waisted bikini because baby No. 2 left my body with something to remember her by--three ever-so-slowly-fading stretch marks below my navel, about which I am ever so self-conscious. I don't want anything too costumey; these things can tend to veer way far toward "pinup," which ain't me. 

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I want to have my diamond reset in rose gold on a wedding anniversary when we have money to throw at something superfluous like that.

And speaking of my marriage, I want a date night with my husband. I wonder what that would be like. Those dates sure were easier to come by when we just had the one kid.

Well, at least I'm well on my way to getting the first thing I said I wanted.

6 months // 3 years & 2 months

Today our Livvy Lara ("Lou") is a half year old, and she is more marvelous than ever before. We're celebrating the occasion and the Memorial Day holiday by having friends over to play badminton in our backyard, eat shish kabobs, and drink bottles of cold beer. Also, Nekos is in the kitchen right now coaxing a watermelon into absorbing a bottle of vodka. Livvy is napping, Tessa is at my mom's for another few hours, and I have time for a moment to sit down and write about my children, who infuse so much joy into my days (especially when they're napping and away at grandma's).

Lately I've been reveling in the sweet relief I feel now that the newborn stage is over, and we are on our way to the walking-talking stage of babyhood that thrills me. New this month for Livvy: She started eating some table foods (an occasional cracker, a pinch of pancake, along with the pureed fruits and veggies I've been giving her here and there). After all, she has two sharp milk teeth, and she wants to try them out. I'm trying to be more consistent about feeding her solids, but there are still several days in a row that will go by when she gets just mother's milk. And I know that's fine, too. Our "nursing relationship" is better than ever. Most impressively, Livvy now sits up nice and tall all by herself without falling over. It's been so neat to be able to put her down just about anywhere with a couple of toys and have her play; this small bit of independence seems to have made both of us much happier. Her newest feat is getting up on all fours and rocking back and forth like a marathon runner right before the gun pop, so I know crawling is in our near future. I'm not in such a hurry for that though. 

Oh My God: Livvy started sleeping through the night this last month. In the last 10 days she's only woken up once in the middle of the night. She generally sleeps from 7:30 p.m. to about 7 a.m. If she does wake up to eat, it's around 5 a.m. and then, belly full, she'll happily go back to sleep for another couple hours. Lastly, Livvy is a snuggle-holic. Girlfriend loves to kiss and hug and throw her arms around my neck and nestle her head under my chin when I'm carrying her around. She is a happy, easy baby, and she brings me so very much joy. 

As for Tessa, who is 3 years and two months old: Reports from the frontlines had me believing that age 3 was going to be a real bitch. And I know I'm only two months into it, but so far it's been anything but. Tessa throws fewer fits (and they don't last as long when she does have them, though they are still remarkably loud and annoying), and she is hilarious on a daily basis. Best of all, she lives entirely within the four walls of her imagination. I like to crawl in there with her sometimes and check the place out. It's a hell of an amusing place to be. Tessa is in a naked phase and doesn't like to have clothes on if she doesn't have to. So her scrumptious naked brown belly and booty are common sights around here. Tessa picks out almost all of her own outfits now and dresses herself every day, usually while I'm upstairs scrambling to get Livvy dressed or fed or bathed so I can get us all out the door. Tessa's independence has been handy, but it's also been coupled with a sweetness I haven't known until now. She regularly requests time to "snuggle" with me--every night before bed but also randomly throughout the day. I don't know if it's her way to steal some mama time away from Livvy or not, but whatever the motivation, I am totally down with it. This little girl has my heart; she is my heart. Oh, and also: We pray now. After books, before snuggles, we say all the things we're thankful for. I've always found prayer really soothing and grounding, even though I do it inconsistently, but I love sharing these quiet moments with Tessa, in the fading darkness of her bedroom with our hands pressed together and our heads bowed. 

Dear God, I am grateful for Tessa and Livvy. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

  

All the crocheted accessories in this post were a generous gift from Nakia Kammerzell, who I met through my blog ... or maybe through Instagram. She lives in Washington, runs a darling little Etsy shop called nakiaKhandmade (check it out!), and needed a couple of little girls to model her wares because she has two boys. We were happy to oblige!

Dining Room Updates

I've been reimagining our dining room for a couple of months now, and finally feel like it's done enough to share here. (I do still want to add a big ol' jute area rug at some point.)

 

The first thing I did was sell this Pier 1 table that we'd had since right after we got married. We wanted something a little longer because we like to have dinner parties, and lower to the ground because we want the girls to be able to sit at it comfortably. Plus, I've had my eye on farm-style tables. I sold our table and chairs to a friend after I found a guy on Craiglist who made these farm tables pretty inexpensively. I bought one off of him, and he kindly delivered it. Nekos rewired our chandy (which we also bought at Pier 1 long ago and still really love) and repositioned it over our new table. Then we outfitted it with Edison-style bulbs that we found at Home Depot.

This whole dining room redo started, funnily enough, when my friend Simone gave me a pair of chairs (one is pictured below) because she was doing a purge of her house. I loved the chairs and gratefully accepted them but had no place to put them because our existing dining room table was bar height. That set in motion my entire dining room switcharoo.

 

I painted these two chairs with some of the front porch ceiling paint I had leftover, and recovered them with a stained tablecloth I had and loved. Then I lightly distressed them with sandpaper.  

We needed a little bit more seating but we didn't have any money to devote to this project so I pulled in one chair from our office (the white one) and my friend Faith gave me another chair that once belonged to her grandmother. I painted it with Annie Sloan's "Paris Gray."

 

Then we pulled a coffee table up from the basement that my aunt gave me a long time ago but that has always been too formal for our house. To repurpose it as a bench, Nekos unscrewed the top of the table and removed it because it would have made the "bench" too long to fit under the table. I used the "Paris Gray" to paint the legs of the table and then had some red oak boards cut at Home Depot to fit the top of our new bench. We screwed them in and I painted them a creamy white. I plan on making a cushion for this bench at some point.

We also moved our bar to a different wall of the dining room, against the upholstery fabric wall I created a long time ago.

 

And Nekos made a cool art collage on the main wall, using a couple of prints we love and some of our favorite vacation photos.

 

Nekos isn't a big fan of our starburst mirror, which I think we also bought at Pier 1 a real, real long time ago, but I still love it and I like the way it brings light into a room. It got hung on a different wall opposite our table. 

And that's it! Other than our little living room, this is the first room you see when you walk into our bungalow and we are pretty thrilled about the way it looks now. It's very us. This wall color (Behr's "Plum Blossom") is the only paint color we haven't changed in the six years we've lived here. It's unconventional, but it brings so much personality and punch to our place.

Thankfully, we spent only about $250 on this project. Our only expenses were buying the new table and the boards for the top of the new bench plus some supplies to rewire and rehang the chandelier, but selling our existing table and chairs helped diminish those costs. I'm trying to use more restraint when it comes to spending on our house. I used to love to buy clothes (and, gosh, I definitely still do), but in recent years I have spent more of our hard-earned money on feathering our nest. But I love what can happen when I'm forced to work with what we have; the results are usually even better.