July 10, 2011

Indecision & Intuition.

Source: Tumblr
My next-door neighbor and I have a pretty sweet arrangement: I'll collect her mail while she's out of town if she doesn't mind me reading all the magazines that show up in her mailbox. I'm a total magazine freak.

Last night I was just about to settle into bed with her O magazine when I thought to text her my appreciation:

"Your Oprah magazine arrived today. Score!"

She texted right back, "I actually just got home. Can I come get my mail, minus O? :)"

I'm happy she didn't mind me having a sleepover with Oprah because there was a whole segment of articles about intuition and trusting your "gut." My favorite article was by Oprah's resident life coach, Martha Beck.

If Martha Beck were a preacher, I would stand in her congregation on my tip-toes and say "Amen!" so often that the other parishioners would probably glare at me. I am just really down with what she's saying.

I loved this bit from her article on intuition:

"If you're wondering whether a choice is wise or not, don't search your mind for a rational argument. Instead, hold each option in your attention, then feel its effect on your body and emotions. When something's wrong for you, you'll feel constriction and tightness. The wise choice leads to feelings of  liberation, even exhilaration."

This was helpful because I have a horrible time making up my mind about things, which I think is the cause of heaps of my insomnia and anxiety. And not being able to make up my mind about things impacts my confidence because I end up feeling like I don't know who I really am. I can't hear my voice.  I am a stranger inside a body that looks vaguely familiar in the mirror.

A girlfriend and I were talking this week about how hard it is to make a decision, and I love what she said, which is that if she doesn't know what to do in a certain situation, she thinks the best thing to do is to do nothing. To wait quietly for the right answer.

This waiting quietly is the hard part for me. Unless I'm asleep, I'm always moving. I have a hard time even watching television. I feel like I need to be making something or cleaning something or returning an email. I'll run a hot bath, only to soak in it for a minute or so before I pull the stopper. These days I'm trying to do more of that "sleep when the baby sleeps" thing. But I need more than just more sleep. The thing I need to do is to be quiet and wait. I also need this dress, but we can talk about that another day.