August 2, 2012

Big Shoes to Fill.

I've been trying to decide whether or not to make Tessa's room, which is right across the hall from our room, the new baby's nursery. The decision has felt impossibly large. I cried about it last night, and I made Nekos spoon me and my belly until he couldn't take it anymore.

Tess says she's all about having a new room at the other end of the house from us, but I feel funny about it. I want her close to me. I want to drape her in a canopy of my love and protect her from feeling like anything other than the big, fat, shiny red apple of my eye. A part of me is mad: Who does this new baby think she is, coming in and taking Tessa's room? And a part of me is scared: Will Tessa feel less loved when I have a baby attached to me nearly all the time? And a part of me is relieved: I'll have Tessa to keep me company and make me giggle during those lonesome first weeks when the newborn looks up at me like, Hiiiii????? And the biggest part of me is wildly excited about the life I'm building stone by stone with this man I love and these two girls who I'll get to watch grow and who I'll love for every day for the rest of my life. I always dreamed of having daughters plural, and I can't believe my lucky-stars fate that things are actually turning out the way the little girl me once hoped.

At least once a day, I ask Tessa: "Do you know who my favorite little girl in the whole wide world is?" And she says, "Meeee!" I will have to stop doing that soon because I'll have two favorite little girls. Is that possible?

Moms, where you nervous about loving your second the way you love your first? How did you make room in your house and your heart for a new lil dumplin'?


  1. Ellen! I totally fretted over this same issue. Like, a lot. I am an only child and I think I never really understood siblings a how a parent could divide their love and attention. It may sound trite, but the love is multiplied not divided. Your heart was so bursting with one you cannot imagine, but it grows. You're giving Tessa another whole person to love and confide in and fill in any gaps and you're giving that same gift to your new baby girl as well. I'm jealous of people with siblings! They have partners for life. They are tethered.

  2. Your heart will grow to make more room, no fears. What you are feeling is normal, I felt the sameway. IT was just the three of us for almost five years, it was odd to think Taylor was coming into our lives. But the day he was born, my heart expanded and I loved him just as much as Emma. You will be fine and whatever decisions you make will be the right ones. Go with your gut!

  3. Well. I just can not say it better than Jill. Amen to everything above.

    And about the room. Must it happen right now? The baby will probably stay in your room the first months anyway? Then, when everybody is ready. Make it a mother and daughter thing. Dad can spend some time with the baby and you and Tessa can spend some quality time planning stuff around the room. Make her part of some of the decisions. Like: Do you like this or that colour? (two of wich u already have choosen). Do you want a cow or a bird pillow? It will make her feel included but you are still in contol of things.

    Problems have a way of snowballing when you give them too much space. So don't. Your love will be more than enough for your little ones (I promise!). And the room thing will be solved. Don't rush. Much love from Sweden!

  4. i love you ellen. thank you for your sweet honesty. i'm storing away so many of these posts to re-read someday when i'm a mommy-to-be too.

  5. Why don't you let them share a room? They'll be much closer that way! Tessa probably won't even be bothered by the baby's crying (eventually). Ultimately, it would probably end up being comforting to both of them to be together.

  6. Now I say,"who's my favorite 3 yr old?" or 5 yr old ... and the sleeping arrangements here are like fruit basket turnover every night- as I write this I have three kids and a cat in my bed- but I started out alone. my favorite thing that helps the older child feel good is getting them to help you by including them with things that they seem interested in helping with ... "can you bring me a diaper or blanket.... can you help me try to make the baby laugh.... can you show the baby a book while I make dinner.... etc". Most kids want to help and it helps them feel included.

  7. I just wanted to tell you, you're going to be great! I remember playing dolls with you when we were little, you were a great mommy then you'll be a great mommy of two now.
    Still care,